I used to love this show in college. I remember going and getting Schlotzky's with my roommate Brooke and watching it on TLC in the afternoon. I am kind of fascinated with all things medical. I know, I know, its not a medical procedure but a natural process (to all those who are pro- natural birthing). I, however, have always liked the hospital. This is why I was surprised to find myself leaning towards going a more natural route with this birth. I had no reason to prove to myself how tough I could be, or any desire to be put in unnecessary pain, but I really spent so much time exploring both sides and the pros and cons of each. Little did I know I would get to experience both in a way.
There are so many factors that go into giving birth in another country, in another language. You definitely have to pick your battles here, so I needed to know which things I wanted to fight for and which things I needed to let go of. For example, do I spend tons of time and energy in rejecting pain medication or arguing the levels of pitocin being administered, or fighting the bottle and sugar water they would inevitably give her in the nursery, or the position I would lay in as I labored, or when to start pushing, or making sure they immediately gave her to me as soon as she was born to try to nurse...the list goes on and on. The most important thing to me was walking in peace from God through out the process so that I could make the best decisions and be able to respond well. I decided about a week before that whatever was going to happen during the birth process, God was going to be with me, and that was enough.
Back up a bit...
Like I had said before, I had been having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions from about 25 weeks on, and literally every 5-10 minutes for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. It was extremely exhausting and made everything difficult, especially sleeping. In fact, I feel more rested now with a newborn than I did during those few weeks. My doctor, who I absolutely LOVE and wish I could go to her always, told me at about 36 weeks that she thought I would go into labor easily and naturally because of the progress I had made and because of all of my contractions. Well, 3 weeks later and little progress, she was feeling a little wary that I would deliver on time and was nervous for me to go later because of the baby's size. I was pretty nervous too! On my last appointment, the Thursday before i had Elise, she was giving me an ultrasound to estimate the baby's size and noticed I was having really strong contractions the whole time. She looked at me and said, "Ah! You're contracting right now. You look so tired. Are you ready to deliver?" and I let out a pathetic, "yes." with a sigh. She looked at me knowingly and said, "Tayib, Khallas, we will set an induction date for you for next Wednesday, the 23rd. But I think you might deliver before the Eid (which began the 20th)." I was so grateful, I almost started crying.
(FYI, if you want to know what I vaguely refer to as progress, like all the pre-labor signs, email me and i will tell you. It might be to much to share in a post ;) )
So, that night I went for my last labor inducing power walk at the AUB track on the med. It is so wonderful to go there and watch the sunset on the water. I walked and walked and thought to myself, "the next time i come here, maybe I will be pushing her in a stroller!"
We had been wondering what to do for John's birthday for sometime. I felt like such a horrible wife because I was so caught up in having the baby, that I wasn't spending as much time thinking about it as I should have. That morning i had been having contractions as usual, but we decided to try out this new mexican restaurant on the coast in the Tabarja bay north of Jounieh, and decided it was worth it even if we needed to return immediately and to go to the hospital. We had a really great time, ate some yummy food, took some last prego pics, and then headed back, still having contractions every 4 minutes or so, and we even felt fine about stopping at Marble Slab for sweet cream and strawberries.
Contractions continued until 8:30 that night, when I decided we needed to go to the hospital and at least be monitored. Once we got there and were all hooked up, the doctors couldn't believe how strong my contractions were. They kept saying in disbelief, "You aren't in any pain??" and I would respond, "i feel them and they are strong, but it doesn't hurt." They just didn't believe me...pretty funny. My doctor came in around 10:30 to check things out, all dressed up in her new Eid clothes, just coming from a family event. She said that she wanted to go ahead and start the Pitocin to help me progress since I hadn't made much progress from my last appointment, and since I was only a couple of days from a Pitocin induction, she thought it would be better to augment a labor than induce from nothing. I decided it was fine.
John ran home to get some supplies. She left and would return only once, around 1:30 am, to break my water. From then on, i was in the care of a young resident guy who didn't seem to have too much experience. Yikes. After they started me on pitocin, they upped it every 15 minutes until I was on the maximum dose possible. Because I wasn't showing outward signs of pain, like screaming uncontrollably, they seemed to think I wasn't really feeling them. Meanwhile, my contractions are going off the monitor. My doctor told them to lower my pitocin, and they did. When she came back to break my water, she said, "Now I am sure you will want pain medication after this. If you feel you can endure it without an epidural, by all means do, but if you are too tired and need a rest, consider it so you can get some sleep." What a great thing to say! She made me feel so peaceful and confident, and I was really blessed. She also told me of her own experiences with an epidural and 2 out of 3 times it didn't work for her. I really appreciated her care and her candor.
Well, immediately after she left, they put my pitocin on the highest dose and left it there the rest of the time. Jr. resident man was just trying to get my contractions to be 2 minutes apart, even though they were fine on the lower dose. After hours of that nonsense, I decided i did need to rest if I was gonna make it through the night. I asked for the epidural, and they had to wake the anesthesiologist out of a dead sleep to come give it to me. She literally had pillow marks on her face. Not exactly the appearance you hope for when someone is about to dig in your spine. It took her an hour to administer it, and as soon as it began to take effect, I knew something was wrong. My whole left leg immediately started to feel numb, but my right side still had complete feeling. I told her right then that it wasn't working. She made me shift around, lie on my right side, do all sorts of random things, but the bottom line was that she had placed it incorrectly. Wow, talk about a let down. Now I was realizing that I was going to have to do this on maximum pitocin, zero sleep, and with a numb thigh and tongue. I was also shaking all over. Awesome. I begged him to turn the pitocin down, but he would not.
I started doing the only thing I knew to do. I knew I was transitioning, and it was going to be intense, so I got my iPod, started listening to intense worship music mixed with calming worship music, breathed through my contractions, focusing and praying, and then relaxed every part of my body as soon as they were over, trying to soak all I could from that minute of rest. It was really hard, but God was good. There was also this intense thunderstorm going on outside and we could watch the lightening over the ocean from my window. Just a really amazing moment.
At about 6:00, I felt like I really needed to start pushing. I called the doctors in to tell them i needed to push, but they said I was still only at a 6 or 7 and that I had hours left. I immediately felt so defeated. Could I really go on much longer? Maybe I should just have a C-section and get it over with? I sat there for a second, calmed myself down, and decided that I was going to try light pushing, or sort of "breathing the baby down" as the call it in the bradley method. Mostly just focusing on your breathing and moving the baby downward. After a few more contractions, I buzzed them again. They said I was at an 8, and I would still be pushing for hours. I said I didn't care but that I needed to push. They brought a doctor in to help me, thinking it would be forever. He tried to get me to lay flat on my back, but I told him no, raised the back of my bed almost 90 degrees, held on to my own legs, and began pushing on my own.
After 2 contractions they could see the head, and realized I wasn't kidding around. They frantically called my doctor, made me stop pushing (which is the worst feeling ever), and got me into the delivery room as fast as possible. My doctor came in, and I could tell she wasn't very informed about how it had been for me. She had no idea the epidural didn't work, so I had to tell her so that she wouldn't think I was totally numb all over. I pushed once, and then she said to me, "Jamie, with this next push you are going to deliver your baby, okay?". "Okay!" I shouted back, and that was that. John was standing next to me and for some reason I reached up and grabbed his hand and pushed and then heard the loudest scream/ the most beautiful sound ever. The 2 male doctors (jr. resident and pushing man) kept yelling, "Big Baby! Big Baby!" Right about then, a nurse came up, and jammed a shot of pitocin into my right thigh to help deliver the placenta. This would have been the only time having a numb thigh would have helped, but she picked the wrong thigh, and thinking I had an epidural wasn't gentle in the least.
After that, they handed her to me, and it was like the whole world stood still for a few moments. She was here and I was over the moon. Nothing else really mattered.
Recovery has been good and challenging. We have spent the last week and a half getting used to each other and learning about life as a family. We take little outings every day and are easing ourselves into a routine. She is such a joy to have with us and we love her tons.
